Skulduggery's gaze strayed over onto the space where China had been standing until just a minute ago. He should have been worried over what she might say, that she might not consider a promise to an Archangel sacred enough to keep. Maybe a part of him was. Mostly, Skulduggery looked at the space with anger and something close to pity, both much too hot and bitter to allow much else creeping in. Maybe that was why he felt so sure she wouldn't tell anyone. China was many, many things, but stupid wasn't one of them.
The pity was a surprise. A welcome one, given the circumstances, but still. A surprise. A side effect of Gabe, maybe?
The pain of his wrecked jaw forced him to start wondering what might have happened if Gabe hadn't been there. Skulduggery would have killed China, definitely. Would that have been enough? Would he have been able to reclaim himself, and deal with the inevitable aftermath?
Before Landel's, Skulduggery would have said yes. He'd worked too hard and too long to let every single one of those years go to waste the very first time he was tested, the very first time his anger blew into rage strong enough to tempt him.
But then... then he'd been dragged into the mental institute and, within three days of being there, had the walls between him and Vile broken down. Deliberately, by the doctors there, presumably on Landel's order. At the time, he'd been trying to survive in one piece without killing any of the other patients, and the few times he'd been allowed to slow down and think, he'd blamed Landel. Or that first night, or the increased desire to use Necromancy. It was a while before Skulduggery finally realised all the doctors had really done was remove a thin, single boundary - open his eyes to how close Vile always had been and always would be.
The fact was, if Skulduggery had killed China, that would have been it. Vile would have been in control. And it wasn't because of Landel; it was because no matter how much control Skulduggery built up, no matter how long he went without letting his anger get the best of him, Vile would never stop being there. Even now, Skulduggery could feel how easy it would be to simply give in once, stop trying to be so strong for a single moment, let the craving for revenge drown him again, and it would all be over.
Gabe had become his lifeline back in the Institute. That might be the only reason Skulduggery was still here now, why Ghastly and Valkyrie and Tanith and Fletcher weren't dead.
The thought would have killed Skulduggery if he wasn't almost immediately distracted by the gentle touch of Gabe's hand on his jaw, drawing all the pain into it.
If the intention had been to make Skulduggery feel any better, it backfired horribly. Yes, the physical pain receded, but a different kind of pain took its place when Skulduggery saw Gabriel struggling with the surge himself, driven almost to tears.
'You shouldn't have done that.' Even with the pain receded, Skulduggery didn't try moving his jaw again. The thought he beamed towards Gabe was full of regret, and - for the first time - not phrased as a prayer. In truth, Skulduggery hadn't remembered in time to start it with the name of the Archangel it was for, but he didn't try to correct it. Gabe couldn't think of himself as anyone's guardian angel right now. He was a victim and a patient; he really shouldn't have tried to take on any more pain. If anything, Skulduggery should be the one guiding him.
'If you collapse again in a minute, I will do everything in my power to block you from yours for the next month. Even if that means finding God and defeating Lucifer. Please tell me your brother and nephew aren't nearly as stubborn as you are.'
"Um."
Fletcher had reappeared in the doorway of the church, looking suddenly very sheepishly at the two of them. "Sorry. Am I interrupting something? I can leave."
no subject
The pity was a surprise. A welcome one, given the circumstances, but still. A surprise. A side effect of Gabe, maybe?
The pain of his wrecked jaw forced him to start wondering what might have happened if Gabe hadn't been there. Skulduggery would have killed China, definitely. Would that have been enough? Would he have been able to reclaim himself, and deal with the inevitable aftermath?
Before Landel's, Skulduggery would have said yes. He'd worked too hard and too long to let every single one of those years go to waste the very first time he was tested, the very first time his anger blew into rage strong enough to tempt him.
But then... then he'd been dragged into the mental institute and, within three days of being there, had the walls between him and Vile broken down. Deliberately, by the doctors there, presumably on Landel's order. At the time, he'd been trying to survive in one piece without killing any of the other patients, and the few times he'd been allowed to slow down and think, he'd blamed Landel. Or that first night, or the increased desire to use Necromancy. It was a while before Skulduggery finally realised all the doctors had really done was remove a thin, single boundary - open his eyes to how close Vile always had been and always would be.
The fact was, if Skulduggery had killed China, that would have been it. Vile would have been in control. And it wasn't because of Landel; it was because no matter how much control Skulduggery built up, no matter how long he went without letting his anger get the best of him, Vile would never stop being there. Even now, Skulduggery could feel how easy it would be to simply give in once, stop trying to be so strong for a single moment, let the craving for revenge drown him again, and it would all be over.
Gabe had become his lifeline back in the Institute. That might be the only reason Skulduggery was still here now, why Ghastly and Valkyrie and Tanith and Fletcher weren't dead.
The thought would have killed Skulduggery if he wasn't almost immediately distracted by the gentle touch of Gabe's hand on his jaw, drawing all the pain into it.
If the intention had been to make Skulduggery feel any better, it backfired horribly. Yes, the physical pain receded, but a different kind of pain took its place when Skulduggery saw Gabriel struggling with the surge himself, driven almost to tears.
'You shouldn't have done that.' Even with the pain receded, Skulduggery didn't try moving his jaw again. The thought he beamed towards Gabe was full of regret, and - for the first time - not phrased as a prayer. In truth, Skulduggery hadn't remembered in time to start it with the name of the Archangel it was for, but he didn't try to correct it. Gabe couldn't think of himself as anyone's guardian angel right now. He was a victim and a patient; he really shouldn't have tried to take on any more pain. If anything, Skulduggery should be the one guiding him.
'If you collapse again in a minute, I will do everything in my power to block you from yours for the next month. Even if that means finding God and defeating Lucifer. Please tell me your brother and nephew aren't nearly as stubborn as you are.'
"Um."
Fletcher had reappeared in the doorway of the church, looking suddenly very sheepishly at the two of them. "Sorry. Am I interrupting something? I can leave."