"Ponies deserve the best places to lay their heads all right," Grandad agreed, still with that soft, infinitely gentle smile. But there was something sad in his eyes too. Something that made Allie tilt her head at him and reach out to take his hand.
"Where's your granddaughter?" she asked impulsively. "Is she in Heaven now?" She had to be. He was so kind and there was something so sad in his eyes.
He let her take it, let her wrap her small fingers around his. They were rough, she could feel. What were they called? Calluses. Like someone who worked hard. Not just like Daddy, but like Daddy before, when he was in the Army. Helping people, doing things with his hands.
"They're all in Heaven now," he said, and his smile changed, becoming broader, happy like Allie felt happy just before Christmas when she knew it would be good. "But it ain't bad. I'll see 'em again."
For a long moment Allie looked into his face. He might be happy about that, and maybe it was true, but it wasn't the whole truth. "They hurt bad before they went up to Heaven though, didn't they?" she asked steadily in a tone that did not belong to any carefree child.
"Yeah, they did," he said softly.
"And you couldn't do anything to stop them hurting," Allie said, and knew it was right because of the way the tears came to his eyes. "Like Daddy can't stop me when I hurt, because he just can't, or because he tries and it accidentally makes it worse. Like my last operation did."
He didn't say anything. He just looked at her silently, and his face glowed, proud and happy and loving and sad because of all the things he couldn't stop. Impulsively Allie clambered up to her knees and put her arms around his shoulders, her teddy-bear still in her the crook of her elbow, and kissed his cheek. It was all bristly, like Daddy's when he didn't have a chance to shave after work. "It's okay. It makes us stronger. And when I get to Heaven I'll tell your granddaughter you can't wait 'til you see her again."
He hugged her back, and even though his tone was amused it was gruff with emotion too. "How you gonna know who she is?"
"I'll know," Allie said with certainty, and pulled back, slowly so she didn't tilt over. Her heart was going quick, like it did when she moved even though she shouldn't. Primly she arranged her bedcovers around her again, settling her teddy-bear beside her, and looked at Ghastly. "His name's Nicholas," she said firmly. "After Father Christmas."
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"Where's your granddaughter?" she asked impulsively. "Is she in Heaven now?" She had to be. He was so kind and there was something so sad in his eyes.
He let her take it, let her wrap her small fingers around his. They were rough, she could feel. What were they called? Calluses. Like someone who worked hard. Not just like Daddy, but like Daddy before, when he was in the Army. Helping people, doing things with his hands.
"They're all in Heaven now," he said, and his smile changed, becoming broader, happy like Allie felt happy just before Christmas when she knew it would be good. "But it ain't bad. I'll see 'em again."
For a long moment Allie looked into his face. He might be happy about that, and maybe it was true, but it wasn't the whole truth. "They hurt bad before they went up to Heaven though, didn't they?" she asked steadily in a tone that did not belong to any carefree child.
"Yeah, they did," he said softly.
"And you couldn't do anything to stop them hurting," Allie said, and knew it was right because of the way the tears came to his eyes. "Like Daddy can't stop me when I hurt, because he just can't, or because he tries and it accidentally makes it worse. Like my last operation did."
He didn't say anything. He just looked at her silently, and his face glowed, proud and happy and loving and sad because of all the things he couldn't stop. Impulsively Allie clambered up to her knees and put her arms around his shoulders, her teddy-bear still in her the crook of her elbow, and kissed his cheek. It was all bristly, like Daddy's when he didn't have a chance to shave after work. "It's okay. It makes us stronger. And when I get to Heaven I'll tell your granddaughter you can't wait 'til you see her again."
He hugged her back, and even though his tone was amused it was gruff with emotion too. "How you gonna know who she is?"
"I'll know," Allie said with certainty, and pulled back, slowly so she didn't tilt over. Her heart was going quick, like it did when she moved even though she shouldn't. Primly she arranged her bedcovers around her again, settling her teddy-bear beside her, and looked at Ghastly. "His name's Nicholas," she said firmly. "After Father Christmas."